morganacademyfp

Quasimodo had died, the bells of the Cathedral of Notre Dame fell silent, all Paris mourned. The bishop of Notre Dame sent word through the streets of Paris that a new bell ringer was needed. The bishop decided that he would conduct the interviews personally and went up into the belfry to begin the screening process. After observing several applicants demonstrate their skills, he finally decided to call it a day. Just then a man approached him and announced that he was there to apply for the bell ringer's job. The bishop was incredulous for he had noticed that this applicant's sleeves flapped emptily.
"But you have no arms !" exclaimed the flabbergasted bishop
"No matter," said the man, "Observe !"
Whereupon the applicant began striking the bells with his face, producing a beautiful melody on the carillon. The bishop listened in astonishment; convinced he had finally found a replacement for Quasimodo.
But suddenly, as he rushed forward to strike the bell, the armless bell ringer tripped and plunged headlong out of the belfry window toppling to his death in the street below.
The stunned bishop rushed down two hundred and ninety five church steps. When he reached the street, a crowd had gathered around the fallen figure, drawn by the beautiful music they had heard only moments before.
As they silently parted to let the bishop through, one of them asked,
"Bishop, who was this man ?".
"I'm afraid I didn't get to know his name," the bishop sadly replied,
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' .................. BUT HIS FACE RINGS A BELL'

WAIT ! WAIT ! There's more














The following day, despite the sadness that weighed heavily on his heart due to the unfortunate death of the armless campanologist, the bishop continued his interviews for the replacement bell ringer of Notre Dame.
The first man to approach him said, "Your Excellency, I am the brother of the poor armless wretch who fell to his death from this very belfry window aperture yesterday. I pray that you honour his life by allowing me to replace him in this duty. His dear grieving mother would be delighted"
The bishop agreed to give the man an audition, and, as the armless man's brother stooped to pick up the mallet to strike the first bell, he suddenly groaned, dropped the mallet, clutched at his chest, twirled around, collapsed on the belfry floor and died on the spot.
Two monks, hearing the bishop's anguished cries of grief at this second tragedy, rushed up the stairs to his side.
"What has happened ?" the first monk asked breathlessly.
"Who is this man ?" enquired the second monk, gasping for breath.
"I'm afraid I only knew him for a very short time, wept the distraught bishop,"and, regrettably, I didn't get to know his name," he sighed, "but..........."
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(. . . Wait for it ...)






(.. . . It's worth it.. ..)









'HE'S A DEAD RINGER FOR HIS BROTHER..'

An old one Dave but still worth the re-telling

A new one to me David - 10/10!

Thought For The Day
I don't mind going to work!
The 8 hour wait to go home is a real bitch

Sir William High (otherwise known as "fishy High" cos he made his money selling fish(!)) was at one time Lord Provost of Dundee. I heard this from my father:
At a particularly long Council Meeting, Sir William dozed off. He awoke with a start and asked the clerk what was the subject under discussion. On being told that it concerned a proposal to provide a Urinal in Reform Street, he contributed to the discussion with "...that is a very good proposal and, while we are about it why don't we put a couple of arsenals in as well".
Which brought to mind a visit to a very salubrious underground toilet I had occasion to visit one day, somewhere in the City. I remember being very impressed with all the marble stalls, even to the cisterns. I think it was somewhere in the vicinity of the old "Kings" Cinema???

One of the old Tay steam Ferries was the "Sir William High"

Jim, could that have been in St. Andrews Street.
There were quite a number of underground placaaas in Dundee at that time.

My mother was an usherette in the King's theatre before it became a cinema and changed its name to the Gaumont. I think you are right Ken, if St Andrews st was the one down the left hand side of the Kings. There was an underground toilet there just before the Cowgate

Seagate, Ian.

I see what you mean Ken but Seagate was at the bottom of St Andrews Str . Cowgate was across the road at the top. My mother was born in Cowgate. Gents toilet was at top pof St A St. I think but it was a long time ago.Continental Ballroom was next to Gaumont.

I think St Andrews st was the one. Didn't ever feel threatened going into these u/g toilets but later there was some graffiti about "Dave White" which I think had homosexual connotations - anyone remember that?

Ian, the King's was a cinema (and theatre of course)) before it changed to the Gaumont (in the 50s if memory serves)

I remember going to see Peter Pan on stage at the King's.

I did too Ken and if I remember rightly Phyllis Calvert played Peter Pan. But I think we are straying from the jokes thread boys!

No we're not. The joke is we can remember that far back!